I know sleep training is a highly controversial subject, and that everyone has a very different way of getting their baby to sleep. I am sharing our experience mainly for myself, so I will remember how I did it down the road. I also think that it might help someone who is trying to decide whether or not to sleep train their baby.
I'm going to start by explaining the circumstances that lead us to sleep train...
From the time she was born Emma Claire was spending her nights in the bassinet that was parked right by me. A few weeks ago she really began to outgrow it. She would wiggle around in her sleep, hit the side of her bassinet, and then wake up. At first I didn't know that this was happening. I just thought she was having a growth spurt and wanted to eat, so I would feed her. Then she started to eat less and was just using me as a pacifier. At this point I had pulled her into the bed and she was co-sleeping with us. I am not going to lie, yes I was THAT mom who liked having the baby in the bed. The Hubster even said he liked it too, and to be honest I think he liked having her close to us more than I did. However, she did not sleep well at ALL in the bed so that's when I decided something had to change.
I had tried putting her in the crib at night before but I couldn't take the crying and wasn't prepared. I had tweeted about wanting to sleep train and the WONDERFUL Laura May sent me the book The Baby Sleep Solution. I highly recommend this book, I'm going to outline what I took from the book and used for us.
- The biggest thing that I took from this book is that too often we let the baby be in charge. While this is appropriate for a newborn, it is not for a 3 (almost 4) month old. Babies gain security from an adult taking charge. This made me feel better about setting a strict schedule to get us started.
- Babies Emma Claire's age are able to go all night without a feeding. Before I was thinking she needed to eat whenever she woke up.
- Babies CAN sleep twelve hours at night and still nap during the daytime.
- Feeding your baby 4 times a day every 4 hours works like a charm. I adjust it a bit because we are breastfeeding and sometimes she is a lazy eater. I try my hardest to stick to a good feeding schedule. Here's an example of when I feed Emma Claire, 7am, 11am, 3pm, 6:30pm. Sometimes there is a "snack" in there if she is starving.
So here's what I did...
Night One
This night was possibly one of the hardest nights of my life. I think I cried more than Emma Claire did. It was also hard because I'm on solo parent duty at bedtime due to the Hub's work schedule. However I posted my plans on facebook/twitter and I was amazed at all of the support I received from family and friends!
My Mom was awesome and talked to me on the phone pretty much all night. Emily was also a HUGE help and I am so glad I had her to talk to. She had a lot of great suggestions that I used. She also helped me feel better about letting Emma Claire cry. I felt like I was going to scar her for life by letting her cry ;-) My cousin Katrina also talked me through the night and assured me that Emma Claire (and I) would survive this night! A great piece of advice I got was from my friend Sarah. She said, "think of it this way, by sleep training we are giving our babies the gift of sleep which is something that they need for survival."
Thinking of sleep training as something I was doing FOR her instead of something I was doing TO her helped me not go insane that first night.
One thing that really helped was anecdotal records to help me keep track of her crying and the times I went in to check on her. This really helped for the first few nights and showed the Hubs what I was doing while he was at work.
The first night I laid her down in her crib and she was content for about 8 minutes. Then the crying began. I went in every 3-5 minutes to soothe her by patting her, shushing her, and comforting her without picking her up. Well that just seemed to make her even more mad. She cried for so long that by 9pm she had worked herself into a frenzy. At this time I decided we needed to reset and start over. I took her out of her crib and noticed she had sweat so much her blankets were wet. Cue MAJOR mama guilt. So I changed her, got new swaddle blankets, and fed her. She had cried so much I knew she was hungry. This time I decided to leave her unswaddled to see if sucking on her hands would soothe her.
This worked and she soon started to fall asleep, however she would startle herself awake after only a few minutes. Then I went in and swaddled her with one hand out so she could soothe herself enough to fall asleep and then stay asleep. She finally fell asleep around midnight and woke up at 2:30am. I re-swaddled her and rocked her until she fell back asleep. She woke again at 4:30am and I repeated the process, then she slept until 7am. At 7am I turned her chandelier on the lowest setting and was really happy when I went in, saying "Good Morning!" and talking to her as I unswaddled her so she knew it was time to wake up. Then I got her and fed her "breakfast". I was never more excited to wake up and start a new day! Emma Claire was completely exhausted, she actually fell asleep in her little seat when playing with Daddy!
Night Two
Everyone kept saying that the first night was the hardest and I honestly didn't think I could take another night like that. Thankfully everyone was right! By the second night she only cried for a few minutes and then fell asleep. She woke at 2:30 again but had been asleep for about 7 hours at that time. I repeated my soothing techniques and she went back to sleep until morning.
Night Three
By this night I was petrified that she had only gone to sleep so quickly the second night because she had worn herself out the first. I was shocked when I laid her down and she fussed for 3 minutes and then slept for NINE hours! When she woke I changed her diaper and laid her back down and she went right back to sleep!
The rest of the nights kind of blend together after the first three...
Now when I lay her down she usually doesn't fuss at all. On Valentine's night she went down without a peep. She became unswaddled around midnight so I snuck in and reswaddled her while she was still sleeping and she did wake up after I left and fussed for about 30 seconds then went back to sleep until 7:30am! HALLELUJAH
I did pretty much the same process for nap time.
Before this she was taking her naps in her swing. I know, I know...TERRIBLE habit to start. Thankfully she did pretty well transitioning to all naps in her crib. We did it cold turkey and she now sleeps better and longer than she ever did in her crib. She can take anywhere from one nap to four naps a day. The book suggests two naps, a one hour morning nap and a two hour afternoon nap. We tried that but someone couldn't make it, it just wasn't enough sleep for her. We'll get there eventually. My one big nap rule is that I do not let her nap after 4pm.
Our Ideal Day
Wake- 7am
1st feeding- 7am
Morning Nap- 9am-11am
2nd feeding- 11am
Afternoon Nap- 1pm-3pm
3rd feeding-4pm
Bath time- 6pm
Last feeding- 6:30
Bedtime-7pm
We have had days like this but it's usually a variation of this schedule. If one nap is too short or long our schedule changes accordingly. I will also feed her in the late afternoon to tide her over until bath time. I sometimes feel that the hours of 3pm-6pm are the hardest of the day. My mantra becomes, "We just have to make it to bath time!" Ha!
I am SO glad I decided to do this. Yes, it was hard..but the benefits are so worth it. Emma Claire is happier because she sleeps better and longer than she ever has. And I am happier because I now have free time at the end of the day to have some quiet time.
